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nicole(:

All I want to do is talk to you. I just want to ask you how your day was. I want to hear you complain about things. I want to hear to express how excited you are about something that is coming. I miss you. I miss the way you talked to me. The way you would sometimes whisper something. The way you always said I talked too loud. I just want to send you an email about the things that cross my mind. I want to share the small things with you as well as the big. I want to tell you how much I love free pancake day. I want to tell you how I love when I get excited over celebrities tweeting me. I want to hear about all the things you are doing. What you had for dinner. Who is having a birthday. How your family is. How you can’t wait for a new book to come out. I want to talk about the world with you. I just want to share life with you. I want to be there. I want to know. And I want you to care. Because I care so much. And I miss you so much. And all I can do is think about all the things I am missing by being here and you being there. And it is killing me. It is killing me so much. And no one really understands. Because yet again I have connected with someone who I will never see again. Who lives so far away. Who is separated by so much more than time. And I am breaking because of it. Because all I can do is think about the little time we did have together. And it means nothing anymore. I have thought about the same things over and over again. And I can’t help it. Because I just want you to be a part of my life. I want to be a part of yours. And I feel so regretful. Regretful for spending too much time with you and getting attached and regretful for not spending enough time with you. And I feel so lost. I live my life. I go through it. I read my books. I go to class. I watch t.v. But the whole time I think of you. And I fear what will become of me. I worry that I am just pathetic. Because why do I have to love you? Why do I have to miss you? Why can’t I just fall in love with the right person. Someone here. Someone my age. Someone who wants to be in my life. And I think of all the ways we could make it work. I will move. I will get a job. I will change my ways. But none of it matters. Because I will never see you again. And I still haven’t accepted it. I can’t accept it. I won’t. Because living my life knowing you are in no ways connected to it anymore seems unreal. How can I just go living my life without you in it? That’s how much you have touched me. And the worst part is, no one really understands. And I know people are tired of hearing about it. And I am becoming a bother. And I am just hurting so much. So I want to talk about it. It’s this emptiness. It is an emptiness I always read about but never quite understood. And now I do. And I will never know how to fill it.

(Source: inivyandintwine)


7 notes

  1. nicole0203 reblogged this from inivyandintwine
  2. inivyandintwine posted this


Nicole Marie (:
God, church, college, family, friends.
El Paso for now.
Cali Tomorrow... <3

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